ONE LAST TIME??

Will we FINALLY get blessed?

I have heard numerous times, over and over, that "bc this is the LAST and FINAL IUI, that it WILL be the one that works".


Hmmm... I wonder if its true..


I read stories about women who try ONE MORE TIME before moving onto adoption ...

ONE MORE TIME at and IUI before moving on to IVF...

ONE MORE TIME naturally before starting on medication...

ONE MORE TIME before moving on w/ foster care...

ONE MORE TIME before giving up all together...

and in that ONE LAST TIME...

*BOOM* they wind up pregnant...


So... I'm praying for this ONE LAST TIME. to be THE ONE :)

The one where we are blessed more than we can even imagine...

where we finally get to see those 2 pink lines (or more like 50 bc if I see 2 pink lines on ONE test, I will take about 50 more!!)

where we finally get to hear...."Congrats, you're pregnant"

where we finally get a "due date" to look forward to, instead of another IUI, beta, or period.

where we finally get to buy for and decorate a nursery. Have a baby shower for me, instead of just attending them.

where we get to pick out names that have meaning to us, that our child will live w/ forever.

where we get the excitement of finding out if the baby is a boy or a girl, or heck-even both ;)

where I get to experience morning sickness, sore boobs, mood swings, hot flashes, expanding belly-all bc I'm pregnant and not just bc of the hormones...

where I get to experience the wonder and fantastic experience of birth.

*sigh*..

all it takes is one time.... well,, for us... hopefully all it takes is ONE MORE TIME.

Shock???

No, No, not pregnant. but in shock. HA HA.


As I was preparing our stuff for our taxes-I was overwhelmed. Travis and I itemize-its the only way we'd get anything back since we have no children.

Okay so.

We have traveled 2,970 miles in ONE YEAR.

Spent $362 on gas

Spent: $1,370 on JUST COPAYS!!!

Spent: $518 on Medicine-COPAY alone

$229 on hotels...

$458 on injections (that's just one trigger shot and 2 Ganirelix pens bc I couldn't find the one for the Bravelle which was over $300)

and get this:

$209 on pregnancy and ovulation tests (sort of embarrassed on this one-ha ha)


that's a total of: $3,146!!!!!! :-O.

And this is just for a year!!! Imagine that by 3 years, an HSG, a LAP surgery and gyno bills (I don't have those anymore bc they were from 3 years ago) and another specialist who charged $60 at EVERY visit (I went about 3 times a month-to Johnson City). WOW!

Plus every time I have to do injections, I have to buy the needles and syringes, and buy a new "red box" and some more alcohol pads. Then I buy Tylenol for the headaches, pantyliner bc of the progesterone pills (shew!), tampons for every period, pre-seed for the CM issues (no, you don't want to know what CM means-ha ha), tissues for all the tears, PLUS food in Winston, and car maintenance.....

and I keep on saying " This is ALL worth it. EVERY SINGLE PENNY!"



these are just the receipts that I can find and the bills I can find. I'm shocked. Overwhelmed and shocked.

Hopefully very soon ALL of it will be well worth it and soon, I will have my baby (babies) in my arms!!! SOON!!! :-D

Month 2.....

.... of birth control pills.

Okay, so as I last posted, I had a cyst STILL. Grrrr.

Well, I had to wait for my nurse to talk to the dr and see what he wanted to do. I went in to the dr yesterday, Feb 16, for blood work. Well, my nurse drew blood and then she said "out of my own curiosity, Id like to do an ultrasound and see if this cyst has gotten smaller" So I go to the bathroom and undress and out comes the "magic wand". (haha) She looks at my "perfect uterus" (as she calls it) and my lining was 5mm, so that's good. So she scans the left ovary and its quiet. She goes the right and BOOM there is my cyst-BUT instead of 28/29mm... its 24mm!!! I was shocked-she was shocked-we were both shocked. HAHA. I was like "hmmm the castor oil must be doing some good" (i didnt tell her that though, she'd think im nuts) So she said " let me talk to dr p and i will get back w/ you". She emailed me last night and said she was glad it was smaller, but dr still wanted me on bc pills this month. She also told me that its just an old cyst sticking around.

That is fine. I guess I need to just wait and trust this is ALL Gods plan. Im praying so hard-and I hope you all are too-that this cyst goes away and we can move on. Im ready for my baby(babies)!!!!! I know Travis is too. So, in the meantime-we just pray. March 8 cant come soon enough!

Readers???

I hope I still have some readers out there. Let me know if you are here :) I like a little encouragement every once in a while ;) I still have my old blog, but I dont post on it anymore.

Let me know where you are :)

Books...

Here are a couple of books that I had been keeping my eye on. I have thought about buying a couple, just to have for when we foster/adopt. Im excited to be on this adventure and to, one day, read these books to our child. Even if we get pregnant "naturally" Id still like to have these books to teach our child about adoption and that there are other ways to become a family....

here is my list:

I think that is all. Im sure I will find a lot more when we get some extra cash :) Those are the top ones that I would love to have. We shall see... we might get an unexpected blessing. ;-)

New Directions??

I think the Lord is taking Travis & I into new directions.

Please be in prayer for the directions that the Lord is leading us. I cant really say what-or where-but I can say, it will be a great opportunity for us both. I will like to wait until we know more before I can say what exactly Im talking about. Sorry for the suspense.

For now... We keep praying... for our child & Gods direction for our lives.

Thank you

Update...

I thought Id update ya'll.

I had been on birth control pills since Jan 20. I took them for 3 weeks. I started spotting on Feb 6 and my nurse said to keep taking the pills so I did. The flow picked up and on Feb 10 it was day 1. I went today for my day 3 scan and the darn cyst was still there. It was about 28mm big and the lining was thin, so this was indeed my period. My nurse doesnt know what the dr will say-as he is out of town until Tue. I am praying that maybe, just maybe he will say no birth control and that things are okay. BUT I also know that the birth control is the best for the cyst for it to go away. A good friend of mine also suggested that I put castor oil on a rag and place it on my stomach along w/ a heating pad and that will help w/ the cyst and shrinking it. So I will try just about anything now... lol.


As for our future, I just need to place all my trust in God. It seems hard for me, as we get further and further to the "end" but I need to keep my faith in God and His plans for our life.

I know a lot of you are wondering "why doesnt she just give up and move on already?" Well, for those of you wondering why-its bc I cant. I have tried. SOMETHING-idk what yet-keeps pulling me back to this last and final IUI. I feel in my heart, and in my soul that this is the one that is going to give us our miracle(s). God WILL bless us through this journey. There is a reason we are on this long and enduring road. There is a reason I have this cyst, and cant move on. Limbo is Gods way of saying "be patient, trust in me, have faith and lean on me in times of need".

So.. in our time of need, we are leaning on God. We are keeping in prayer and focus on Gods plans for our lives. ....

Please keep praying for us, for Gods will and for me to understand what to do in this time.

We do still plan on doing the foster care classes when they start, probably in April, and we are getting things ready in the meantime. We are very excited to be starting that as well.

Moving from “If Only…” to “Had it not been…”

*** "If only" has been a huge struggle for me during all of this infertility. I always thought-If only we'd started trying as soon as we got married...

If only i took birth control... i would have gottten pregnant sooner..

If only we were better w/ our finances, we could afford IVF and adoption...

If only we did foster care earlier... we would have a child.


God has a GOOD and PERFECT time for everyone......


Moving from “If Only…” to “Had it not been…”


You stand on the sidelines of life, watching mothers soothing their crying babies as your own tears cascade down your face. You see fathers rushing their sons off to football practice as you rush back to the local fertility clinic. The parade of “if only”s march past your mind’s eye as you question every decision you’ve ever made in your efforts to have a baby.
If only I’d started treatment earlier…
If only I hadn’t taken that pain killer or gotten in that hot tub…
If only I’d married someone who wasn’t infertile…
If only I had taken better care of my body…
If only I’d served God more faithfully…
If only I would have called the doctor as soon as I started to bleed…
If only…
If only…
Journey back in time with me and let’s slip through the door of an Egyptian throne room. One very powerful man stands with tear-swollen eyes looking at 11 terrified men who are witnessing the most mind-blowing theatrics they could have ever imagined! Joseph reveals his identity to the brothers who threw him into a pit and sold him into slavery when he was just a skinny, gangly 17 year old boy. Now he’s second in command of Egypt! What would be their fate?
Joseph’s brothers stand before him trembling because they know he has the authority to do with them as he wishes. Now is the chance for him to destroy them for all the heartache they caused in his life. What was his response to them?
“Now do not be grieved or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life.” (Genesis 45:5)
And just so you don’t think that Joseph’s extension of mercy was just a momentary, emotional response, flip over to Genesis 50:20. He’s speaking to his brothers at the death of their father. They are afraid that Joseph will take revenge on them now that their father is not around to witness it. Joseph once again looks at them and says “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.” (Genesis 50:20)
What? Why such gracious responses? Come on! Admit it! You wanted to hear him say something like “If only you had gotten me out of the pit, I’d save you now! But you really blew it this time, buddy! Let’s see how you like prison food!” How was Joseph able to grant such mercy and grace?
It’s really quite simple. Joseph changed the “if only…”s in his life to “had it not been…”s.
Had it not been for his brothers throwing him in a pit and selling him into slavery, he would never have gotten to Egypt,.
Had it not been for Joseph being in Egypt, he would never have placed in Potiphar’s home.
Had it not been for the time he spent in Potiphar’s home, he would never have been wrongly accused of a sexual crime and thrown in prison.
Had it not been for his imprisonment, Joseph would have never met Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker, whose dreams he was meant to interpret.
Had it not been for interpreting the dreams of Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker, Joseph would never have been able to interpret Pharaoh’s dreams.
Had it not been for interpreting Pharaoh’s dreams, Joseph would never have risen to second in command over Egypt.
Had it not been for Joseph rising to power, he would have never been in a position to save the same family members who threw him into a pit years before.
When you reach the resolution of your infertility story, may you watch the parade of “if only…”s become a beautiful display of “had it not been…”s:
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have pursued the adoption of this precious child God ordained for my family before time began.
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have learned how to communicate with my spouse the way we do now.
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have known how to trust God through His silence.
Had it not been for infertility, we would not have experienced the comfort of God in great trials.
Had it not been for infertility, we would never have sought God and His will for our lives the way we have.
Had it not been…
Had it not been…
Don’t let Satan convince you that difficult situations mean God isn’t working and moving. He’s working through the celebrations. He’s working through your tears. Change the “if only…”s in your life to a marvelous parade of “had it not been…”s.