I think the Lord is taking Travis & I into new directions.
Please be in prayer for the directions that the Lord is leading us. I cant really say what-or where-but I can say, it will be a great opportunity for us both. I will like to wait until we know more before I can say what exactly Im talking about. Sorry for the suspense.
For now... We keep praying... for our child & Gods direction for our lives.
Thank you
Monday, February 14, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Update...
I thought Id update ya'll.
I had been on birth control pills since Jan 20. I took them for 3 weeks. I started spotting on Feb 6 and my nurse said to keep taking the pills so I did. The flow picked up and on Feb 10 it was day 1. I went today for my day 3 scan and the darn cyst was still there. It was about 28mm big and the lining was thin, so this was indeed my period. My nurse doesnt know what the dr will say-as he is out of town until Tue. I am praying that maybe, just maybe he will say no birth control and that things are okay. BUT I also know that the birth control is the best for the cyst for it to go away. A good friend of mine also suggested that I put castor oil on a rag and place it on my stomach along w/ a heating pad and that will help w/ the cyst and shrinking it. So I will try just about anything now... lol.
As for our future, I just need to place all my trust in God. It seems hard for me, as we get further and further to the "end" but I need to keep my faith in God and His plans for our life.
I know a lot of you are wondering "why doesnt she just give up and move on already?" Well, for those of you wondering why-its bc I cant. I have tried. SOMETHING-idk what yet-keeps pulling me back to this last and final IUI. I feel in my heart, and in my soul that this is the one that is going to give us our miracle(s). God WILL bless us through this journey. There is a reason we are on this long and enduring road. There is a reason I have this cyst, and cant move on. Limbo is Gods way of saying "be patient, trust in me, have faith and lean on me in times of need".
So.. in our time of need, we are leaning on God. We are keeping in prayer and focus on Gods plans for our lives. ....
Please keep praying for us, for Gods will and for me to understand what to do in this time.
We do still plan on doing the foster care classes when they start, probably in April, and we are getting things ready in the meantime. We are very excited to be starting that as well.
I had been on birth control pills since Jan 20. I took them for 3 weeks. I started spotting on Feb 6 and my nurse said to keep taking the pills so I did. The flow picked up and on Feb 10 it was day 1. I went today for my day 3 scan and the darn cyst was still there. It was about 28mm big and the lining was thin, so this was indeed my period. My nurse doesnt know what the dr will say-as he is out of town until Tue. I am praying that maybe, just maybe he will say no birth control and that things are okay. BUT I also know that the birth control is the best for the cyst for it to go away. A good friend of mine also suggested that I put castor oil on a rag and place it on my stomach along w/ a heating pad and that will help w/ the cyst and shrinking it. So I will try just about anything now... lol.
As for our future, I just need to place all my trust in God. It seems hard for me, as we get further and further to the "end" but I need to keep my faith in God and His plans for our life.
I know a lot of you are wondering "why doesnt she just give up and move on already?" Well, for those of you wondering why-its bc I cant. I have tried. SOMETHING-idk what yet-keeps pulling me back to this last and final IUI. I feel in my heart, and in my soul that this is the one that is going to give us our miracle(s). God WILL bless us through this journey. There is a reason we are on this long and enduring road. There is a reason I have this cyst, and cant move on. Limbo is Gods way of saying "be patient, trust in me, have faith and lean on me in times of need".
So.. in our time of need, we are leaning on God. We are keeping in prayer and focus on Gods plans for our lives. ....
Please keep praying for us, for Gods will and for me to understand what to do in this time.
We do still plan on doing the foster care classes when they start, probably in April, and we are getting things ready in the meantime. We are very excited to be starting that as well.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Moving from “If Only…” to “Had it not been…”
*** "If only" has been a huge struggle for me during all of this infertility. I always thought-If only we'd started trying as soon as we got married...
If only i took birth control... i would have gottten pregnant sooner..
If only we were better w/ our finances, we could afford IVF and adoption...
If only we did foster care earlier... we would have a child.
God has a GOOD and PERFECT time for everyone......
Moving from “If Only…” to “Had it not been…”
You stand on the sidelines of life, watching mothers soothing their crying babies as your own tears cascade down your face. You see fathers rushing their sons off to football practice as you rush back to the local fertility clinic. The parade of “if only”s march past your mind’s eye as you question every decision you’ve ever made in your efforts to have a baby.
If only I’d started treatment earlier…
If only I hadn’t taken that pain killer or gotten in that hot tub…
If only I’d married someone who wasn’t infertile…
If only I had taken better care of my body…
If only I’d served God more faithfully…
If only I would have called the doctor as soon as I started to bleed…
If only…
If only…
Journey back in time with me and let’s slip through the door of an Egyptian throne room. One very powerful man stands with tear-swollen eyes looking at 11 terrified men who are witnessing the most mind-blowing theatrics they could have ever imagined! Joseph reveals his identity to the brothers who threw him into a pit and sold him into slavery when he was just a skinny, gangly 17 year old boy. Now he’s second in command of Egypt! What would be their fate?
Joseph’s brothers stand before him trembling because they know he has the authority to do with them as he wishes. Now is the chance for him to destroy them for all the heartache they caused in his life. What was his response to them?
“Now do not be grieved or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life.” (Genesis 45:5)
And just so you don’t think that Joseph’s extension of mercy was just a momentary, emotional response, flip over to Genesis 50:20. He’s speaking to his brothers at the death of their father. They are afraid that Joseph will take revenge on them now that their father is not around to witness it. Joseph once again looks at them and says “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.” (Genesis 50:20)
What? Why such gracious responses? Come on! Admit it! You wanted to hear him say something like “If only you had gotten me out of the pit, I’d save you now! But you really blew it this time, buddy! Let’s see how you like prison food!” How was Joseph able to grant such mercy and grace?
It’s really quite simple. Joseph changed the “if only…”s in his life to “had it not been…”s.
Had it not been for his brothers throwing him in a pit and selling him into slavery, he would never have gotten to Egypt,.
Had it not been for Joseph being in Egypt, he would never have placed in Potiphar’s home.
Had it not been for the time he spent in Potiphar’s home, he would never have been wrongly accused of a sexual crime and thrown in prison.
Had it not been for his imprisonment, Joseph would have never met Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker, whose dreams he was meant to interpret.
Had it not been for interpreting the dreams of Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker, Joseph would never have been able to interpret Pharaoh’s dreams.
Had it not been for interpreting Pharaoh’s dreams, Joseph would never have risen to second in command over Egypt.
Had it not been for Joseph rising to power, he would have never been in a position to save the same family members who threw him into a pit years before.
When you reach the resolution of your infertility story, may you watch the parade of “if only…”s become a beautiful display of “had it not been…”s:
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have pursued the adoption of this precious child God ordained for my family before time began.
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have learned how to communicate with my spouse the way we do now.
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have known how to trust God through His silence.
Had it not been for infertility, we would not have experienced the comfort of God in great trials.
Had it not been for infertility, we would never have sought God and His will for our lives the way we have.
Had it not been…
Had it not been…
Don’t let Satan convince you that difficult situations mean God isn’t working and moving. He’s working through the celebrations. He’s working through your tears. Change the “if only…”s in your life to a marvelous parade of “had it not been…”s.
If only i took birth control... i would have gottten pregnant sooner..
If only we were better w/ our finances, we could afford IVF and adoption...
If only we did foster care earlier... we would have a child.
God has a GOOD and PERFECT time for everyone......
Moving from “If Only…” to “Had it not been…”
You stand on the sidelines of life, watching mothers soothing their crying babies as your own tears cascade down your face. You see fathers rushing their sons off to football practice as you rush back to the local fertility clinic. The parade of “if only”s march past your mind’s eye as you question every decision you’ve ever made in your efforts to have a baby.
If only I’d started treatment earlier…
If only I hadn’t taken that pain killer or gotten in that hot tub…
If only I’d married someone who wasn’t infertile…
If only I had taken better care of my body…
If only I’d served God more faithfully…
If only I would have called the doctor as soon as I started to bleed…
If only…
If only…
Journey back in time with me and let’s slip through the door of an Egyptian throne room. One very powerful man stands with tear-swollen eyes looking at 11 terrified men who are witnessing the most mind-blowing theatrics they could have ever imagined! Joseph reveals his identity to the brothers who threw him into a pit and sold him into slavery when he was just a skinny, gangly 17 year old boy. Now he’s second in command of Egypt! What would be their fate?
Joseph’s brothers stand before him trembling because they know he has the authority to do with them as he wishes. Now is the chance for him to destroy them for all the heartache they caused in his life. What was his response to them?
“Now do not be grieved or angry with yourselves, because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life.” (Genesis 45:5)
And just so you don’t think that Joseph’s extension of mercy was just a momentary, emotional response, flip over to Genesis 50:20. He’s speaking to his brothers at the death of their father. They are afraid that Joseph will take revenge on them now that their father is not around to witness it. Joseph once again looks at them and says “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.” (Genesis 50:20)
What? Why such gracious responses? Come on! Admit it! You wanted to hear him say something like “If only you had gotten me out of the pit, I’d save you now! But you really blew it this time, buddy! Let’s see how you like prison food!” How was Joseph able to grant such mercy and grace?
It’s really quite simple. Joseph changed the “if only…”s in his life to “had it not been…”s.
Had it not been for his brothers throwing him in a pit and selling him into slavery, he would never have gotten to Egypt,.
Had it not been for Joseph being in Egypt, he would never have placed in Potiphar’s home.
Had it not been for the time he spent in Potiphar’s home, he would never have been wrongly accused of a sexual crime and thrown in prison.
Had it not been for his imprisonment, Joseph would have never met Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker, whose dreams he was meant to interpret.
Had it not been for interpreting the dreams of Pharaoh’s cupbearer and baker, Joseph would never have been able to interpret Pharaoh’s dreams.
Had it not been for interpreting Pharaoh’s dreams, Joseph would never have risen to second in command over Egypt.
Had it not been for Joseph rising to power, he would have never been in a position to save the same family members who threw him into a pit years before.
When you reach the resolution of your infertility story, may you watch the parade of “if only…”s become a beautiful display of “had it not been…”s:
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have pursued the adoption of this precious child God ordained for my family before time began.
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have learned how to communicate with my spouse the way we do now.
Had it not been for infertility, I would never have known how to trust God through His silence.
Had it not been for infertility, we would not have experienced the comfort of God in great trials.
Had it not been for infertility, we would never have sought God and His will for our lives the way we have.
Had it not been…
Had it not been…
Don’t let Satan convince you that difficult situations mean God isn’t working and moving. He’s working through the celebrations. He’s working through your tears. Change the “if only…”s in your life to a marvelous parade of “had it not been…”s.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Going to Australia....
I read this on another blog today and I loved the story and how it told the story of infertility and adoption.
Long journey, wonderful destination
“Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it is a wonderful place; you've read many guidebooks and feel certain that you're ready to go. Everyone you know has gone there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you look forward to being pampered on the trip.
So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems that there is no seat for you; you'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait—and wait—and wait.
Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, ‘Relax. You'll get on a flight soon.’ After a long time, the ticket agent tells you, ‘I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat.’
‘By boat?!’ you say. ‘Going by boat will take a very long time and it costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane.’ So you go home and you think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than by air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.
It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three more times, marveling about each trip.
Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also traveled by sea rather than by air.
People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, and some say things like ‘Oh, be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible; traveling by sea must be so easy.’
You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know you have been blessed with a special appreciation of Australia--after all the beauty of Australia is not in the way that you get there, but in the place itself."
Long journey, wonderful destination
“Deciding to have a baby is like planning a trip to Australia. You've heard it is a wonderful place; you've read many guidebooks and feel certain that you're ready to go. Everyone you know has gone there by plane. They say it can be a turbulent flight with occasional rough landings, but you look forward to being pampered on the trip.
So you go to the airport and ask the ticket agent for a ticket to Australia. All around you, excited people are boarding planes for Australia. It seems that there is no seat for you; you'll have to wait for the next flight. Impatient, but anticipating a wonderful trip, you wait—and wait—and wait.
Flights to Australia continue to come and go. People say silly things like, ‘Relax. You'll get on a flight soon.’ After a long time, the ticket agent tells you, ‘I'm sorry, we're not going to be able to get you on a plane to Australia. Perhaps you should think about going by boat.’
‘By boat?!’ you say. ‘Going by boat will take a very long time and it costs a great deal of money. I really had my heart set on going by plane.’ So you go home and you think about not going to Australia at all. You wonder if Australia will be as beautiful if you approach it by sea rather than by air. But you have long dreamed of this wonderful place, and finally you decide to travel by boat.
It is a long trip, many months over many rough seas. No one pampers you. You wonder if you will ever see Australia. Meanwhile, your friends have flown back and forth to Australia two or three more times, marveling about each trip.
Then one glorious day, the boat docks in Australia. It is more exquisite than you ever imagined, and the beauty is magnified by your long days at sea. You have made many wonderful friends during your voyage, and you find yourself comparing stories with others who also traveled by sea rather than by air.
People continue to fly to Australia as often as they like, and some say things like ‘Oh, be glad you didn't fly. My flight was horrible; traveling by sea must be so easy.’
You will always wonder what it would have been like to fly to Australia. Still, you know you have been blessed with a special appreciation of Australia--after all the beauty of Australia is not in the way that you get there, but in the place itself."
God blessed the broken road....
.... That led us straight to you..
The point of this pretty ugly background on this blog is solely this.
God will lead us to our chilld, wether that be a biological child, an adopted child, or a foster child, God led us there. God led the child to us, and us to the child.
He blessed the broken road, that led us straight to you..
Here are the lyrics to the song, that has inspired this blog.
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
[Chorus:]
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
[Chorus]
Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.
The point of this pretty ugly background on this blog is solely this.
God will lead us to our chilld, wether that be a biological child, an adopted child, or a foster child, God led us there. God led the child to us, and us to the child.
He blessed the broken road, that led us straight to you..
Here are the lyrics to the song, that has inspired this blog.
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
[Chorus:]
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
[Chorus]
Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.
Why?
questions many people have:
Why start foster/adoption??
Why now??
Are you not going to TTC anymore??
What about the final IUI youd been talking about??
Well...
For the past 3 and 1/2 years Travis & I have been to numerous dr appts, had numerous blood draws, spent $10,000, did 6 IUI's, 1 failed attempt at IVF (with vitrified eggs that were frozen), lost 1 little embryo, had 2 surgeries (HSG, and LAP), many months on popping pills (femara, clomid, metformin, estrogen, dostinex), injected many many needles (Novarel, Follistim, Gonal F, Bravelle), had way too many sperm samples done (for the initial check, the IUIs and another check for dna fragmentation), 2 post coital tests, more vaginal ultrasounds that I can even count, missed many days from work, cried many many tears, traveled many many miles, seen 3 different drs, and had enough heartache to last a lifetime.
We are done.
We have tried all we can afford, all we can endure, and all we want to. We have done all we can do, in our power to make this happen. (The rest is up to God)
Yes, we will continue to ttc on our own (meaning w/ out meds, w/ out drs, w/ out the stress) and if God sends us a blessing that way-then we will be overjoyed!!! but we dont want to dwell on what if it doesnt happen, we need a plan.
Yes, I do plan to do my last, and final, iui sometime soon, I'm not sure as to when yet. Like Ive been saying-I have enough meds for one more (or maybe 2 more) IUI's. Im NOT counting on them to work though.
We do still plan to get our foster care licsence even if we do become pregnant. This is something we have always talked about doing. Even before all this infertility stuff.
During this blog, I will keep up w/ info Ive gathered, thoughts that Ive had, concerns, questions, etc. We will probably start out w/ the foster care and see where God leads us with that. The classes dont start until the end of March/begining of April, so it will be some time. So if I dont post in that time frame, that may be why. I will also post on here about my final IUI's bc this is the start of a new chapter in our lives, so I needed a new blog-and not dwell on the old one.
On the adoption front, we have a couple of fundraisers we'd like to look into doing, to save up money to adopt. We need over $10,000-$20,000 in order to persue adoption. I know if that's where God leads us, then He will provide. We will probably start all that either the fall/winter or not until next Spring. Just taking it one day at a time right now. I will post all about the costs, the difference in open and closed adoption, domestic and international.
Right now, we dont know where we will get our future child, but God does.
We dont know how him/her will come to us, but God does...
So right now... we just keep praying.. for this child. For our child...
Why start foster/adoption??
Why now??
Are you not going to TTC anymore??
What about the final IUI youd been talking about??
Well...
For the past 3 and 1/2 years Travis & I have been to numerous dr appts, had numerous blood draws, spent $10,000, did 6 IUI's, 1 failed attempt at IVF (with vitrified eggs that were frozen), lost 1 little embryo, had 2 surgeries (HSG, and LAP), many months on popping pills (femara, clomid, metformin, estrogen, dostinex), injected many many needles (Novarel, Follistim, Gonal F, Bravelle), had way too many sperm samples done (for the initial check, the IUIs and another check for dna fragmentation), 2 post coital tests, more vaginal ultrasounds that I can even count, missed many days from work, cried many many tears, traveled many many miles, seen 3 different drs, and had enough heartache to last a lifetime.
We are done.
We have tried all we can afford, all we can endure, and all we want to. We have done all we can do, in our power to make this happen. (The rest is up to God)
Yes, we will continue to ttc on our own (meaning w/ out meds, w/ out drs, w/ out the stress) and if God sends us a blessing that way-then we will be overjoyed!!! but we dont want to dwell on what if it doesnt happen, we need a plan.
Yes, I do plan to do my last, and final, iui sometime soon, I'm not sure as to when yet. Like Ive been saying-I have enough meds for one more (or maybe 2 more) IUI's. Im NOT counting on them to work though.
We do still plan to get our foster care licsence even if we do become pregnant. This is something we have always talked about doing. Even before all this infertility stuff.
During this blog, I will keep up w/ info Ive gathered, thoughts that Ive had, concerns, questions, etc. We will probably start out w/ the foster care and see where God leads us with that. The classes dont start until the end of March/begining of April, so it will be some time. So if I dont post in that time frame, that may be why. I will also post on here about my final IUI's bc this is the start of a new chapter in our lives, so I needed a new blog-and not dwell on the old one.
On the adoption front, we have a couple of fundraisers we'd like to look into doing, to save up money to adopt. We need over $10,000-$20,000 in order to persue adoption. I know if that's where God leads us, then He will provide. We will probably start all that either the fall/winter or not until next Spring. Just taking it one day at a time right now. I will post all about the costs, the difference in open and closed adoption, domestic and international.
Right now, we dont know where we will get our future child, but God does.
We dont know how him/her will come to us, but God does...
So right now... we just keep praying.. for this child. For our child...
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